Observations about Plymouth Brethren relationships.

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This post originally appeared on my blog with the title “Observations about relationships in Christianity” on May 8, 2015. It has been modified slightly for publication here.

If you’ve been a reader of my blog for any amount of time in the past two years, it’s no secret that I’ve lost quite a number of friends, most of whom were Plymouth Brethren. The first wave were lost either when they discovered I wasn’t a virgin or when I married a man they didn’t want me to marry. The second wave were lost when I publicly declared my lack of belief in Christianity (especially upon clarifying that it was actually a lack of belief in any deity or supernatural realm).

I sadly can’t say I’m super surprised by either Great Exodus, which should speak volumes to the assemblies about how unconditional their love really is. But what has confused me is that quite a few of my non-Plymouth Brethren Christian friends didn’t abandon me. I found this rather puzzling for quite some time, to be honest. It’s been difficult to pinpoint why some stayed and some left, but after much introspection, reflection, and observation, I think I’ve come to understand a couple of the fundamental reasons why some stayed and some didn’t.

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I belong to me: learning agency & consent outside Christianity.

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Image courtesy of Death to the Stock Photo. Originally posted over at dani-kelley.com

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the concepts of agency1 and autonomy, how necessary they are for a fulfilling life…and how impossible they are when consent is ignored. I’ve been realizing with a growing sense of anger and frustration that I had no grasp of those concepts as a Christian. Really, as I came to understand what basic respect, prioritizing consent, and honoring the autonomy of my fellow humanity looked like, I realized that Christianity as I knew it had no place for those things…and therefore had no place for me.

Don’t get me wrong. There were many things that played into my deconversion — this wasn’t the only thing. But it was certainly an eye-opening discovery.

You see, I grew up with the knowledge that I wasn’t my own person. Oh, no. I belonged to many people.

I belonged to God, because He made me.2 In fact, I belonged to Him even more because He saved me and I was a Christian.3

I belonged to my parents (who thankfully were good, wonderful, trustworthy parents who loved me with all their hearts and took great care of me). But in my culture, I belonged to them and was expected to forfeit my autonomy in favor of submission to their authority in my lives, up until the moment my dad gave me away to my spouse on my wedding day.4

I belonged to my husband,5 whether I was currently married to him or not.6 What I wanted or needed, physically or emotionally, was irrelevant, because my purpose was to serve him.

It never occurred to me to investigate this claim that I didn’t belong to myself. Continue reading

The Dropouts: Dani Kelley

It seems only fair that I started with introducing myself and telling you a bit of my story.

I grew up at Greenwood Hills Bible Chapel in Fayetteville, PA, home of the similarly named summer camp where I also worked from 2000-2006. I also attended quite a few retreats and conferences outside of GWH (as Greenwood Hills is often abbreviated), including Brooklyn Bible Chapel’s fall youth retreats in Baltimore, West Virginia Family Bible Conferences in southern West Virginia in the summer, and the winter Myrtle Beach Bible Conferences. I even made a trip to Seabrook’s spring conference down in South Carolina one year, not to mention spending a week attending CMML’s Missionary Orientation Program in 2006.

How must people who knew me probably remember me: playing piano in the tabernacle at GWH with long hair, T-shirt, baggy pants, and sneakers.

How must people who knew me probably remember me: playing piano in the tabernacle at GWH with long hair, T-shirt, baggy pants, and sneakers.

Those who knew me during those years will probably remember that I was in no way, shape, or form a casual Christian. Nor was I casual about my adherence to assembly principles. I lived out my faith as a Christian and an assembly girl to the best of my ability and as consistently as I could. Often I even brought friends from my non-denominational Christian school with me to conferences in hopes that they would see that Christ was preeminent in the assemblies and maybe they would more seriously dedicate their lives to Christ (which would, of course, prove itself in them joining an assembly). I made sure that my faith was on constant display so I could fulfill the mandate in 1 Peter about being ready to have an answer for the hope that was in me.

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